Why I Chose Marriage and Family Therapy

Choosing a clinical path is rarely a straight line. For me, the decision to pursue marriage and family therapy grew out of personal loss, hard-earned insight, and a deepening belief that our relationships shape the way we understand ourselves, heal, and move through the world.

When I graduated from high school, I did not yet know what academic path I wanted to pursue. I married young, and that marriage ultimately ended in divorce. Afterward, I decided that returning to school was the best way to improve my earning potential and support my children. I chose to pursue clinical mental health counseling and began with the Human Services program at the University of Phoenix because it offered a broad foundation for graduate study. I also appreciated that the program included three brief internships, giving me the opportunity to gain meaningful real-world experience.

At first, I thought I wanted to specialize in addictions counseling. In early adulthood, addiction felt painfully present in my life. Alcoholism played a significant role in the end of my first marriage and continued to affect my ex-husband’s ability to thrive as an adult and show up consistently as a parent after our separation and divorce. I had also seen drug addiction deeply affect multiple family members and friends. However, during one of my internships, I had an experience that helped me recognize that I could not carry the emotional weight of addiction counseling every day. I was not yet sure what direction I wanted to take, but I knew that was not the right path for me.

I was accepted into the mental health counseling master’s program, but as a single working mother with two small children, I quickly realized graduate school required more bandwidth than I had available at the time. I could not be a full-time parent, a full-time employee, and a graduate student all at once. Something had to give, and school was the only option I could set aside. Still, I was not giving up on my dream. I told people that the destination was the same; I was simply taking the scenic route.

In the years that followed, I began to consider whether I might want to specialize in sex therapy. I knew many people, especially women, struggle with sexuality and sexual relationships, and I felt drawn to work that could support healing, confidence, and connection in that area.

Around the time I left the master’s program, I met the man who would become my second husband. We began as friends and, over several years, became close confidants. Eventually, our relationship grew into dating, cohabitation, and marriage. Yet addiction was present in this relationship too, along with something even deeper: the effects of unaddressed and unhealed trauma.

My husband was killed in an auto-pedestrian accident in 2021, and his death remains the most painful experience of my life. Grief brought me into a profound period of questioning and reflection. Over time, it shifted my understanding of meaning, spirituality, and connection, and I came to believe that my relationships with the people I love are the most important part of my life and my highest priority.

                In 2022, I began to contemplate returning to school. My children were now teenagers who were mostly independent, and I had the time and flexibility to manage grad school. Mental health counseling no longer seemed like the right end game though.

                As I reflected on what I ultimately wanted to spend the rest of my professional life doing I contemplated the difficulties I had encountered in marriage, single parenthood, dating, and as a blended family. I saw clearly how reaching out for some support could have helped in so many instances. I wanted to be able to offer someone who was perhaps braver or smarter than me and had the presence of mind to reach out the support that I could have benefited from.

                I especially found myself desiring to help couples especially. In spite of the challenges that came with my second marriage, my late husband had offered me what we therapists refer to as a corrective attachment experience. He taught me how to say what I meant, be vulnerable, and trust that my vulnerability would be received as a precious gift and that my emotions could be handled with care and sensitivity. My nervous system learned what it was like to know I was loved. The way in which he loved me allowed me to see myself differently and learn to love myself better. I learned that the quality of one’s primary attachment relationship can deeply impact personal mental health as well and how that relationship can make a heaven or a hell of the rest of the world around you.

                I had been to heaven and I wanted to help other people get there in their own relationships because I recognized the transformative power of secure attachment even if I didn’t have the academic language for it yet. I also instinctually knew that I could ultimately help children in families by supporting their parents in functioning better, and this belief has been confirmed through my education and through personal experience. Just like the primary attachment relationship can make such a huge impact on the individual mental health of partners, it can make a huge impact on the development, behavior, and mental health of children.

                This is why I chose to study marriage and family therapy, and I’m grateful that I did. While any licensed therapist can work with couples they receive relatively little training in couples work. Marriage and family therapists are taught to think systemically and to always conceptualize the root of any problem they are addressing beyond the individual level. We receive specific training in working with multiple people in the therapy room where other mental health therapists and counselors do not. My program also included some specific foundational training in addressing sexual concerns between couples which would be unlikely to receive much if any attention in other disciplines. My education gave me the specific tools I needed to offer the kind of support I want to be able to give to the romantic partnerships I work with.

Looking back, I can see that my path to marriage and family therapy was shaped by both loss and love, by the relationships that challenged me and the ones that helped me heal. Those experiences taught me that relationships are not secondary to mental health; they are often central to it. My earlier desire to support healing around sexuality remains an important part of my professional identity because sexuality is deeply connected to intimacy, safety, vulnerability, and relational well-being. Pursuing certification as a sex therapist is the next step in becoming the kind of clinician I hope to be: one who can support individuals, couples, and families with depth, compassion, and clinical competence. Ultimately, I chose marriage and family therapy because I believe healing happens in connection—and I want to help others build relationships where that healing can take root.